This Gigantic Robot Kills

Track Listing

1. Where Ya Been Lars?

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2. True Player For Real

(Featuring "Weird Al" Yankovic and Wheatus. Intro from Wesley Willis)

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3. Hipster Girl

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4. It's Not Easy (Being Green)

(Featuring Pierre Bouvier of Simple Plan)

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5. This Gigantic Robot Kills

(Featuring Suburban Legends and The MC Bat Commander of The Aquabats)

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6. No Logo

(Featuring Jesse Dangerously)

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7. 35 Laurel Drive

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8. Twenty-Three

(Featuring Amie Miriello)

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9. Guitar Hero Hero

(Beating Guitar Hero Does Not Make You Slash)

(Featuring Parry Gripp of Nerf Herder and Paul Gilbert of Mr. Big)

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10. O.G. Original Gamer

(Featuring MC Frontalot and Jonathan Coulton)

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11. We Have Arrived

em>(Featuring K.Flay, YTCracker and The Former Fat Boys)

12. White Kids Aren't Hyphy

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13. Hey There Ophelia

(Featuring Gabe Saporta of Cobra Starship And Brett Anderson of The Donnas)

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14. (Lord It's Hard To Be Happy When You're Not Using)

The Metric System

(Featuring The Worm Quartet)

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LYRICS

THiS GIGANTIC ROBOT KILLS

Where Ya Been Lars?

lyrics by MC Lars
music by the Keyboard Choir, the Rondo Brothers and Walt Ribiero

Where ya been Lars?
Where ya been?
Where ya been Lars?
Where ya been?

I've been touring everywhere just to bring this world joy
On a three year long mission just to merch & destroy
I've been to Sydney, been to Dublin, been to Tokyo and back
Still rocking Capcom hoodies and that dirty A's cap
I'm still repping Northern Cali, hella non-conformist
I toured with Gym Class Heroes and then they got ginormous
I've drawn a lot of comics and I've rocked a lot of shows
I saw nerdcore come and I saw nerdcore go
I did a track with mc chris, though I kind of wish I'd knew
He'd be like "I want three grand for that verse or I'll sue" (true)
I opened for T-Pain he had zero production
He made my drummer move his drums, gave his stage manager instructions (move your drums)
I DJ-ed Johnny Phillips wedding, Gerard Way was there
I'm like "We have the same booking agent", he's like "ask me if I care?"
I met Weird Al,

I met Flava Flav
I met DMC but the photo wouldn't save
I'm like "Camera phones suck," he's like "I know they're really 5tricky"

He didn't actually say that, but if he had,

it would have been good for comedy purposes.

CP's y'all!  CP's.  Alright.

True Player For Real

lyrics by MC Lars
music by MC Lars, Brendan Brown and Phil Jimenez

Since I was 3 I had ADHD,
got in trouble constantly, said, "Just gotta be me!"
Nineteen years later I've got this piece of paper
It says "congrats, you're broke English major"
I still live with mom and dad and it's kind of sad
when this Stanford grad brings ladies to his pad,
"What up girl?"
"Aren't you that rapper with that song about Hot Topic?"
Maybe Bukowski was right about women? "ha ha, stop it!"
This is an old-school jam, I'm dropping knowledge like Plato
while most rappers track it backwards and stay flat like Play Dough
but I'm a Minor Threat, I flip scripts so they know
You can't taze me bro ("Don't taze me bro!")
Not to conceal, keep it surreal,
piss off the British press when I'm like, "Who's John Peel?"
The NME says, "Lars is well rubbish,
his single is bollocks," but I know that they love this!

I'm MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real)
It's my self-referential introduction song
TPFR (true player for real)
I'm MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real!)
The name's MC Lars now you know the deal
(true player for real)

Once upon a time Grandmaster Flash
inspired these nerds with a culture clash
Once Run-DMC mixed rock guitars
with the kick, snare, kick, kick, snare
Public Enemy took a political stand,
now we pirate these records like damn the man
NWA got attacked by the media,
now we check the facts up on Wikipedia
Can't get on the stage at the Jay-Z show
so we boot up ProTools and bust a funky flow
Online for free we don't make dough,
okay just thought I'd let you know
And I can give you 27 reasons why
Nerdcore rhymes are just as fly
As anything born from mainstream rap,
Till my laptop dies... and I'll take that back

I'm MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real)
Still my self-referential introduction song
TPFR (true player for real)
I'm MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real!)
The name's MC Lars now you know the deal
(true player for real)

Like Ralph Waldo Emerson, I stay "Self Reliant"
Genre-defiant, all ages shows with Kobe Bryant
I just checked billboard, my album's in the charts
I think therefore I soundscan, right Descartes?
But am I a culture thief making hip-hop sound white?
Haven't got the right like Lancelot the knight?
No, Camelot's a myth, and Guinevere's a slut
So I'll jump into this mosh pit, pants sagging like "What!"

... key change

I'm MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real)
Still my self-referential introduction song
TPFR (true player for real)

I'm MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real!)
The name's MC Lars now you know the deal
(true player for real)

Outro:
I kill it on stage, with two DI's, why?
Post-punk laptop rap is the new DIY
(true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real)
I kill it on stage, with two DI's, why?
Post-punk laptop rap is the new DIY
TPFR (true player for real)
TPFR (true player for real)
True player.... true player

Hipster Girl

lyrics by MC Lars
music by MC Lars, Mike Kennedy and Steve Connolly

Hipster girl: So check this. I just read the Pitchfork review

of the new Pavement reissue.
Stephen Malkumus is a genius,

but let's face itE he's no Conor Oberst. I'm just saying.
It's not 1994 anymore, duh.

Did I show you my new mini skirt/leggings combo?
You know what they say: ugly IS the new hot.

I met her in the thrift shop bumping indie hip-hop
Calculator wrist watch, Shins t-shirt and flip-flops
Queen of the hipster scene, straight out of Vice Magazine
Social outcast at 16 but now she lives her BoHo Dream
She came from Omaha to Williamsburg
She loved Karen O and she had heard
That Brooklyn was the hipster mecca
Packed her bags with her friend Rebecca
Said she had a thing for broke dudes in bands
Who lived by Union or by Grand
So we went down to the Bedford Bar
And bought a six dollar PBR

Hipster girl: Ezra. Go down Bedord, take a right on Metropolitan,

then a right on Union,
and then you're here. Just text me when you get here okay?

Hipster girl
Cool by the numbers and she rocks my world
Knows all the indie bands you've never heard
She's my hipster girl

She thinks uncool stuff is mad cool, indie culture's fad rule
But cool stuff is uncool, right? That's why Friday's Jewel night
She reads books no one has read, laughs at jokes no one has said
So ironic with her taste, her whole life is cut and paste
It's a metrosexual romance, she wears my shirts and I wear her pants
We play dodge ball, kid sports are cool
Watching Spank Rock and McCarren Park Pool
She's my trust fund baby bohemian, her vegan humus keeps her thin,
I love my L-Train girl it's true, she always goes down on the weekends too

Hipster girl: By the way, that pro-Bush shirt you're wearing

is making me really uncomfortable,
you may be wearing it ironically, but that doesn't give you

the license to be obnoxious

you look like a hardcore fascist redneck!

Hipster girl
Cool by the numbers and she rocks my world
Knows all the indie bands you've never heard
She's my hipster girl

Donnie Darko makes no sense!
Hipster girl: When did side-pony tails get cool again?
Your fixed-gear bike makes no sense!
Hipster girl: I've been trying to do that dirty-chic thing, you know?
Donnie Darko makes no sense!
Hipster girl: I am so BoHo right now
L train girls don't make sense (I don't get it, I don't get it)

Hipster girl
Cool by the numbers and she rocks my world
Knows all the indie bands you've never heard
She's my hipster girl

Hipster girl
She's got her latte and some spoken word
Ironic statements on her vintage shirts
She's my hipster girl

Hipster girl: I'll give it to you, Napoleon Dynamite was funny,

but "Vote for Pedro" t-shirts at
Wal-Mart? What are they thinking. Wal-Mart is evil.

Their health care is totally inadequate.
Didn't you see the screening of that Robert Greenwald movie

at Pete's Candy Store? It was so sad.
What is with all of these hipsters taking over Williamsburg?

It's Not Easy (Being Green)

lyrics by MC Lars
music by MC Lars, Mike Kennedy, Nick Rowe and Pierre Bouvier

Check out that noise in the background!

I'm mad green right now. It's a biodiesel generator!
I'm using it to run the computer studio for the recording of this album!
I got it with this gift certificate I won

at the Save the Sea Turtles Marathon Run dude!
Check it out! I wrote all of the lyrics on my arm

because trees are too important

to be used as paper you know what I'm saying?

Let's get sustainable!

I got a letter from Al Gore the other day
I opened and read it, it said we're in trouble
It said "Go Green!" What's that mean?
Bought a hybrid hummer to save gasoline
Went to Live Earth in my private jet
Just like Sting and Kanye West
Let's save the earth with area rock
(Pyrotechnics are very sustainable)

(I'm going green) Can't you see? I keep the AC above 63
(I'm going green) Hardcore like Slayer, here's 27 fliers on the ozone layer
(I'm going green) Because I care, use organic aerosols in my hair
(I'm going green) So my grandkids will remember,
when you couldn't buy ocean property in Denver

It's not easy being green (it's not easy)
Having to change that old routine (it's not easy)
The climate change could be extreme
It's not easy... it's not easy

Went to Sea World with a giant net
To save the whales but they got upset
Brought Shamu to the parking lot, didn't get far
Couldn't even fit one fin in my car
Recycling's great, but my roommate didn't smile
When I told him what I did to his old-school Beatles vinyl
Gotta separate plastics form the glass
Even though it's a pain the morning

(I'm going green) Aerosol cans are terrible so I
Spread the word with spray painted signs
(I'm going green) Love animals for real, you see me clubbing with baby seals
(I'm going green) Bought a Prius to save on gas
But I fly every weekend in first class
(I'm going green) So my grandkids will remember,
when it wasn't 500 degrees in December

It's not easy being green (it's not easy)
There Will be Blood for gasoline (it's not easy)
I drink your milkshake like that scene
It's not easy... it's not easy

It's not easy being green (it's not easy)
Santa Claus's sleigh will need jetskis (it's not easy)
The polar bears might need sunscreen
It's not easy... it's not easy

I bought size five Vans at the local mall
To make my carbon footprint half as small
I wrote this song to express how I felt
About climate change and glacial melt

You know the movie
The Day After Tomorrow?
That could happen dude

I even rap in haikus what!

Manhattan (could be under water)
LA (could be under water)
Vancouver (could be under water)
London (could be under water)
Detroit (could be under water)
St. Louis (could be under water)
Chicago (could be under water)
New Jersey (but who'd miss Jersey?)

It's not easy (it's not easy)
It's not easy (it's not easy)
It's not easy (it's not easy)
Woah, oh

It's not easy being green (it's not easy)
We'll tour New York by submarine (it's not easy)
We'll scuba dive the Bronx and Queens
It's not easy... it's not easy

This Gigantic Robot Kills

lyrics by MC Lars
music by MC Lars, Joe Ragosta and Suburban Legends

Billy built a robot in his parents' garage
Because he had a list of problems that he needed to solve
He said I'm sick of the Hills, Laguna Beach is fake and whack
Let's party like it's '96 and bring the horn section back
Back before Gwen Stefani started rapping with Pharrel
Gas cost $1.15 and Goldfinger could sell
When reality TV wasn't scripted or contrived
The brass was fat and bumping and the beats were all played live
See Billy was obsessed with third wave ska
Less Than Jake, Real Big Fish, Less than Jake he'd seen them all
He longed for a time when Bill played the sax
On the white house lawn and kids wore shades and checkered slacks
So Billy sits back in the class and laughs
With a notepad on his lap as he plans his task
To make a giant robot, how's that
And bring the real Orange County back!

This gigantic robot kills
He's gonna come down the block he's going to fire at will
He's got a cannon on his shoulder and a laser in his hand
He's gonna win the day for Billy make the city understand

The robot was completed and it opened up its eyes
Weighing 700 pounds and standing 8 foot five
With his black coat, black shoes, black hat, set to attack
He headed to the hills to give those spoiled kids a smack!
Kristin Cavaliere got knocked flat as Billy bumped the Aquabats
He ripped out Mischa Barton's spine as he cranked Save Ferris and Sublime
He burned down Heidi Montag's home as he bumped the OC Supertones
He screamed while smashing L.C.'s head, "SKA IS NOT DEAD!"

This gigantic robot kills
He's gonna come down the block he's going to fire at will
He's blasting bullets from his elbows, shooting missiles from his eyes
He's gonna win the day for Billy take the OC by surprise

He'll make you do the Macarena as you rock your Tamagachi
With his Newton down in Woodstock playing Sega la-di-da-di
He brought the 90's back and then he freed Tibet
If you can't find this jam on Napster then the Wherehouse sells casettes (old school)

Gigantic (he was)
Gigantic (this robot)
Gigantic (so very)
Gigantic (ska robot!!)

This gigantic robot kills
He's gonna come down the block he's going to fire at will
He's got a cannon on his shoulder and a laser in his hand
He's gonna win the day for Billy make the city understand

This gigantic robot kills
He's gonna come down the block he's going to fire at will
He's blasting bullets from his elbows, shooting missiles from his eyes
He's gonna win the day for Billy take the whole world by surprise

Robot: Ska is not dead.

No Logo

lyrics by MC Lars and Jesse Dangerously
music by MC Lars, Fugazi, the Rondo Brothers, and K.Flay

Straight up - I'm an anarchist - politically extreme
You'll find me down at Kinkos printing anti-corporate Zines
My stencil graffiti is rebellious and defiant
Nothing says revolution like Andre the Giant

You know the science on the Mayans and twenty-twelve, with
Government thugs covering up, lizard people with many selves
Voting is collaborating, only thing I'm advocating
Is raising awareness of MY awareness and self-congratulating

Starbucks is the devil, Adbusters told me so
I wear my Che Guevera shirt to subvert the status quo
The government is lying to you and me
Bush knocked down the towers, literally

Yeah he strapped himself with C4 and piloted two planes
Like Bill Pullman in ID4, bootlegged as Loose Change
Who's sane when you claim he didn't plan it with Hussein?
They're one crew signed to different labels, like Wu-Tang

Because Mom and Dad tried to hold me back (back)
Suburban America is not where it's at (at)
I bought a Noam Chomsky book with my Dad's credit card (irony)
Became an expert on world politics - it wasn't that hard

Now I haven't read Howard Zinn, but I'm sure he'd agree with me
That power's influence can be seen most egregiously
To corrupt, you supersuckers pay your taxes, follow all their
Laws... I'm taking down the system with my blog.

Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?
I climb overpasses, spray painted "Stop the pollution"
I'm always at the DMV shouting "anarchy"
Pay my taxes the last minute intentionally (what!)

And eventually, you conventional sheep will see that it's meant to be
That man's emancipation from lands and nations take place in this century
Naturally, very little will actually change politically
Except we'll all just do whatever we want... me, specifically.

Check my iPod and you'll see (No Logo)
I only download indie label CD's (No Logo)
Bought a Banksy print on eBay on Buy Nothing Day
Just to stick it the man ironically (No Logo)

Governments have outlived their usefulness (no logo)
You sheeple just aren't ready for my truthfulness (no logo)
It's my god-given right as an American to speak as I please
Love it or leave it, this is freedom at its gruesomest (no logo) or leave it, this is freedom at its gruesomest (No Logo)

It's the N-O-L to the O-G-O
The N-O-L to the O-G-O
The N-O-L to the O-G-O
The N-O-L to the O-G-O

Barack Hussein? Hillary Banks? Ed McCain?
Three sides of the same coin as far as I'm concerned!
If I can't smoke a doob on a airplane and talk to bitches however
I want, the REAL terrorists have already won! ... or DID they?

And stop! Yeah! And stop.

Stop exploiting independent musicians mainstream America.
This is a song for you. It's from the heart.
Get off our D's. And by that I mean the D batteries we have to buy to pay to fuel our studios.

Peace!

No Logo.... and stop.

35 Laurel Drive

lyrics by MC Lars
music by MC Lars, Aesias Finale, the Rondo Brothers and Linus Dotson

John Thatcher Longley: Yo!
Lars: John.
JTL: What's up?
Lars: Yo, I'm going to put the song about your house on the album. Is that cool?
JTL: Uh... Yeah, I just don't want to have any, like, stalkers knowing my name, like my full name.
Do you think it's cool?
Lars: We'll keep it on the DL. We're going to spell it in the lyrics different than it is.
JTL: Alright, that's cool, yeah, whatever.

My drummer has the messiest house in New Jersey
My drummer has the messiest house in New Jersey

John Thatcher Longley - clean up your house
John Thatcher Longley - clean up your house
My drummer has the messiest house in New Jersey
My drummer has the messiest house in New Jersey

My drummer has a messy house
And that is what this song's about
As I write these rhymes I'm starting to doubt
This kid will ever take the garbage out
The living room is full of cans
The ping-pong table barely stands
I guess he's too busy with other demands
like Game Cube and listening to pop punk bands
There's pizza boxes stacked in the living room
No mops, no brooms, and no vacuums
Open the fridge and you might see
Half a Mr. Pibb and some moldy cheese
Upstairs the toilet barely works
That's just one of the many perks
Last time it took me half an hour
To figure out how to work his upstairs shower

His house makes me think about
All the things in life you can live without
LIke Internet, pens, tables and chairs
There's mail stacked randomly on the stairs
The bathroom door's falling off
I went to the attic and started to cough
But every time a tour rolls by, you know we'll stay at Laurel Drive

John Thatcher Longley - clean up your house
John Thatcher Longley - clean up your house
John Thatcher Longley - clean up your house
John Thatcher Longley - clean up your house

Lars: I mean, does it make you mad at all?
JTL: No, no, I think it's hilarious.
Lars: Alright cool, I just wanted to make sure it was cool.

My drummer has a messy house,
and that is what this song's about.

Twenty-Three
Guitar Hero Hero (Beating Guitar Hero Does Not Make You Slash)
O.G. Original Gamer

We Have Arrived
White Kids Aren't Hyphy
Hey There Ophelia
(Lord It's Hard To Be Happy When You're Not Using) The Metric System

SPOTTED IN THE OFFICE!