X

Tagged The Howard Stern Show

Browsing all posts tagged with The Howard Stern Show

Pat Cooper – Comedy Ringtones

Pat Cooper releases his first batch of ringtones with all of his classic phrases that you know and love from the Howard Stern Show. Pat is at his best with these classics for your iPhone, Android and most other mobile phone models:

King Of All Media
Who The Hell Is This?
Hello Goodbye
A Very Important Call
You're A Bum
Your Pussy Is Calling
Are You Going To Just Let The Phone Ring?
Why Don't You Answer The Phone?
Is That A Phone Vibrating In Your Pocket?
Leave Me A Message
I Wish You A Peaceful Death
Shut Up, Sit Down!

 

Pat Cooper Ringtones now available on iTunes and Amazon:

Pat Cooper Ringtones - Pat Cooper

Red Peters – I Laughed I Cried I Fudged My Undies

 

Buy Now!

RED PETERS

I LAUGHED... I CRIED... I FUDGED MY UNDIES!

Track Listing

1. Baby Blue Intro (with Alan Pinchloaf)

Red Peters with Alan Pinchloaf - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - Baby Blue Intro

2. Blow Me (You Hardly Even Know Me)

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - Blow Me (You Hardly Even Know Me)

3. How's Your Whole... Family?

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - How's Your Whole.....Family?

4. The Two Gay Irishmen

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - The Two Gay Irishmen

5. Rocket In My Pants

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - Rocket In My Pants

6. Intro By Alan Pinchloaf

Alan Pinchloaf - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - Intro

7. Holy Shit, It's Christmas

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - Holy Shit, It's Christmas

8. Ballad Of A Dog Named Stains

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - Ballad of a Dog Named Stains

9. The Dark Years: Stains Incident / Tourette Benefit / I'm A Pig / Did You Ever Fudge Your Undies In The Rain? / Fudge Rap / Oggie, The Doggie Bag Slicer / Italian Polka

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - The Dark Years

10. Little Peter

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - Little Peter

11. You Promised The Moon (But I Preferred Uranus)

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - You Promised the Moon (But I Preferred Uranus)

12. Baby Blue

(Instrumental)

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - Baby Blue (Instrumental)

13. Blow Me (You Hardly Even Know Me)

(Instrumental)

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - Blow Me (Instrumental)

14. You Promised The Moon (But I Preferred Uranus)

(Karaoke Mix)

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - You Promised the Moon (Karaoke Mix)

15. Blow Me (You Hardly Even Know Me)

(Karaoke Mix)

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - Blow Me (Karaoke Mix)

16. Diana

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - Diana

17. The 10 Second National Anthem

Red Peters - I Laughed.....I Cried....I Fudged My Undies! - The Ten Second National Anthem

Red Peters
with The Heywood Jablomi Singers
"Baby Blue"

(Grenga/Stevens/Lawry)

Baby Blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby, baby blue
Baby blew.....
...me.

Red Peters
with The Babe Marino Orchestra
(featuring The Alan Pinchloaf Singers)
"Blow Me (You Hardly Even Know Me)"

(Stevens/Grenga)

(whispered)
"This is very special...
Hi Dick... Bob.
... pretty good thanks."

(sung)
Blow me
You hardly even know me
just set yourself below me
and blow me... tonite.

a handy
would certainly be dandy
but it's not enough to slow me
you gotta blow me... allright.

when you part your lips that way
ooo... I want you night and day
when you squeeze my balls so tight
I wanna blow my load with all my might!!

so blow me
you hardly even know me
just set yourself below
you gotta blow me tonite

"Come on everybody!!!" (whole audience joins in)

Blow me
You hardly even know me
so blow me
you gotta blow me
so blow me
Blow me tonite!

Red Peters
with Tex Marino and The Poisonaires
"How's Your Whole... Family?"
(Stevens/Grenga/Lawry)

How's your whole... family?
How's your whole... family?
How's your whole... family?
How's your whole... family?

How's your whole... family? (How's your whole?)
How's your whole... family? (How's your whole?)
How's your whole... family? (How's your whole... family?)
How's your whole... family?

How's your dic-tation machine? (How's your dic-)
How's your dic-tation machine? (How's your dic-)
How's your dic-tation machine? (How's your dic-tation machine?)
How's your dic-tation machine?

Take your pants down... to the cleaners today. (ah-ooo)
Take your pants down... to the cleaners today. (ah-ooo)
Take your pants down... to the cleaners today. (ah-ooo)
Take your pants down... to the cleaners today.

Won't you do my as-trological chart? (oh won't you do his as-)
Won't you do my as-trological chart? (come on-a wanna baby won't you do his as-)
Won't you do my as-trological chart? (oh won't you do his as-trological chart?)
Won't you do my as-trological chart?

Suck on a stiff cock-tail with me. (stiff cock- ah-ooo)
Suck on a stiff cock-tail with me. (stiff cock- ah-ooo)
Suck on a stiff cock-tail with me. (stiff cock- ah-ooo)
Suck on a stiff cock-tail with me.

How's your whole... family? (How's your whole?)
How's your whole... family? (Tell me how's that great big whole)
How's your whole... family? (How's your whole... family?)
How's your whole... family?
(spoken) "Prick!"

Red Peters
with the Smokin' Cockneys
"The Two Gay Irishmen"

(Stevens/Grenga/Johnson/Lawry)

The whole clan met at Galway Bay
where seamen push up stools
they were giggling like the Coleens
and playing pocket pool
they washed their balls in stout that night
and bid their last good-byes
"We're off to kiss the Blarney Stone,
so zipper up your flys!"

Well fudge your undies laddies
you're on you're way to Blarney
with Gerald Fitzpatrick
and Patrick Fitzgerald
the two gay Irishmen!

"Well grab your bags!" cried Pat Magroin
it's time to pick your seat.
While Paddy O'Furniture grabbed the wheel
Dick Burns turned up the heat
they fiddled and diddled all full of malarky
their trousers felt a lump
so the Bulgers grabbed their Johnsons
and gave them all a pump

Well fudge your undies laddies
you're on you're way to Blarney
with Gerald Fitzpatrick
and Patrick Fitzgerald
the two gay Irishmen!

Well Peter Hickey, Rick O'Shea
Neal Downe and Phillip McCann
Dick Long pulled out his shillelagh
and with it lead the band
Phil McCracken started snackin'
on leprechaun-on-the cob
the bus began to rumble
and heads began to bob.

And so they kissed the Blarney Stone
and grabbed the gift of gab
Connie Lingus snapped their portrait
in front of that mossy slab
all they had on were the smiles on their faces
a grinnin' from ear to ear
from left to right
I'll call out their names
I'll tell you who was there...

Well fudge your undies laddies
you're on the way to Blarney
with...

Pat Magroin
Paddy O'Furniture
Dick Long
the Bulgers, the Johnsons
Peter Hickey
Rick O'Shea
Neal Downe
Phillip McCann
Dick Burns
Phil McCracken
Michael Fitzpeter
Peter Fitzmichael
Maurice Fitzhenry
Henry Fitzmaurice
and...
Gerald Fitzpatrick
and Patrick Fitzgerald
the two gay Irishmen!
the two gay Irishmen!
the two gay Irishmen!

Red Peters
with the Joy Kingoff Singers
"Rocket In My Pants"

(Grenga/Stevens)

I took the shuttle to your pad last nite
my Venus rising as you held it so tight
you had me in a trance
I got a rocket in my pants
over you.

Alpha Centuri wasn't far from the scene
Aurora Borealis, I don't know what that means
cuz when you said let's dance
I got a rocket in my pants
over you.

Two hearts traveling on vacation
one fine Sunday afternoon
my pod enters your space station
my capsule was upright
so I parked it overnite

And so two space ships that pass in the sky
have docked successfully the very first try
an astronomical romance
I got a rocket in my pants
over you.

My pod enters your space station
My Sputnik fit so tight
I launched a satellite

And so two space ships that pass in the sky
have docked successfully the very first try
an astronomical romance
I got a rocket in my pants
over you.

An astronomical romance (where the fuck is France?)
An astronomical romance
I got a rocket in my pants
over you.

Red Peters
with The New Christy Hamsters
"Holy Shit, It's Christmas!"

(Grenga/Stevens/Johnson/Lawry)

SFX - Jingling bells, intro music bed, etc.
(off in the distance) "Ho, ho, ho....."
Hamster #1 - "Did you hear that?"
Hamster #2 - "Hey everybody, Santa's here!"
Hamster #3 - "Aw, there ain't no Santa Claus."
Hamster #2 - "There is, too!"
SFX - knock on door
Hamsters - "He's here!!!"
SFX - door bursts open
Red - "Ho, ho, ho... Merry Christmas boys!"
Hamster #1 - "Aw, shit, it's Red Peters..."
Hamsters - "Awww..." (grumbling in unison)
Red - "Come on you swinging hamsters, get over here. We're gonna sing us a happy Christmas song."
Hamster #1 - "Oh no, not another corny, stupid song."
Hamster #2 - "Yeah, no way Red."
Hamsters - "Yeah, yeah..."
Red - "Get over here and sing or I'll ring your little necks!"
Hamsters - "OK!, OK!...jeesh!"

SUNG
Grab your nuts hamsters, gather round with me
forget about out all that teasin'
we're breakin' out the holly and aluminum tree
cuz it's that jolly season
I know you been naughty, but have you been nice
that's only Santa's business
he's makin' his list and he's checkin' it twice
Holy Shit, It's Christmas!

HAMSTERS
Santa comes just once a year
just like you Red, that's what we hear
he's got a soft spot for reindeer
especially Rudolph's derriere
knock it off fellas it's a holiday
go on give santa a big kiss
you can play hide the hamster on a one horse sleigh
Holy Shit, It's Christmas!

Red - "Hey, what happened to my lyric sheet? Anyone seen my lyric sheet?"
Hamster #1 - "Heck, we don't need no lyric sheets, Red.
We know our parts by heart. Right fellas?" (giggles)
Hamster #2 - "Yeah, sure, I know my part, Godfried." (giggles)
Hamster #3 - "Yah, me too!" (giggles)
Red- "Well that's great guys, I love Christmas songs."

SUNG
(Godfried) - Santa tried reaching up the neighbors blouse
after drinking all the eggnog
(Bruce) - camped out in the bathroom for an hour or two
squashing off a yule log
(Raliegh) - he wandered in his undies all over the house
but we minded our own business
(Hamsters) - til we caught him stuffing hamsters up a gift wrap tube
(All) - Holy Shit, It's Christmas!
(Red) Santa comes just once a year
up the chimney he'll disappear
(hamsters) keep on the look out for Mr. Gear
hamster deliveries in the rear
Red - (grabbing the lyric sheet, speaking...) "Gimme those lyrics!!!"

Roastnuts chestin' on an open fire
Santas tongue stuck to the doorknob
His balls got fondled by a carolin' choir
While the parson gave him a hand... what?
The sleigh came down and took him away
That whole damn crowd was dismissed
It was time to be jolly, a time to be gay

Holy Shit, It's Christmas!
Holy Shit, It's Christmas!
Holy Shit, It's Christmas!

Red Peters
with Smelly Water
featuring The Dickner Brothers (Iben, Uben & Heben)
"Ballad Of A Dog Named Stains"

(Stevens/Johnson/Lawry/Grenga)

(spoken word)
I was sittin' out on the porch the other night
reminiscing about the good ole days
and how my grandson Bobby and I would finish up chores
and mosey on into town.
Heck, we were poor back then
but we loved window shopping.
And I recall how excited Bobby'd get
'specially when we stopped by the pet shop.
you see, there was this one little puppy
that he really took a hankerin' to
and he'd look up at me and say
"Grandpa... if that was my dog, I'd name him Stains,
cuz of that splash of white on his coat."
Well, right then and there, I made a up my mind,
that I'd get that little critter for Bobby
so that following mornin', I cashed in a savings bond and brought the little mutt home.
Darnit, I couldn't tell you who was happiest that day,
me, Bobby or that there dog.
Them two were inseparable ....
why, you'da need a crowbar to separate those two.
And to this day, I can still hear the boy hollerin' after that dog...
still hear him calling... calling out his name...

(sung)
Come Stains! Come Stains!
I still can Hear him calling...Come Stains!

(spoken word)
you know, we don't like talkin' about it much
but it was that following winter
that little Bobby took ill.
and they don't allow dogs at the hospital
so back home you'd find Stains on Bobby's bed.
I'll never forget the day Doc called
and gave us the bad news about Bobby
out of the corner of my eye
I saw Stains lift his sad little dogface from Bobby's pillow.
Somehow he knew that Bobby was gone
and I swear to the good lord
that Stains was hearing Bobby calling out to him one more time from heaven
he just sorta smiled, crossed his paws like he was prayin'
put his head on the pillow..........and passed away.

(sung)
Come Stains! Come Stains!
I still can hear him calling, Come Stains!
Come Stains! Come Stains!
I still can hear him calling, Come Stains!

(boy and dog united in Heaven) "Come Stains! Come Stains!...Stains!...Woof, woof..."

Red Peters
with the Dusty Underbed Orchestra
"Little Peter"

(Grenga/Stevens)

When I'm all alone
And I'm by myself
And there's no one
Lying next to me
When I'm all alone
And I'm by myself
Little Peter keeps me company

When I'm in the can
When I take a shit
I can see him smiling up at me
so I pull him once
then I pull him twice
now I find it's impossible to pee

If you go
I'll be a one man show
But if you stay
I'll put my friend away

When I'm all alone
And I'm by myself
And there's no one
Lying next to me
When I'm all alone
And I'm by myself
Little Peter keeps me company
Little Peter keeps me company.

Red Peters
with The Babe Marino Orchestra
"You Promised The Moon (But I Preferred Uranus)"

(Grenga/Stevens)

You promised the moon
but I preferred Uranus
the stars must be right
cuz Uranus looks good tonight.

The moon was in June
how it inflamed us
a beautiful sight
and Uranus looks good tonite.

I'm not queer
I'm just experimenting an idea *
the feeling's unrelenting
when you're near
that feeling starts extending
towards your rear.

Ain't it clear
I just wanna bone ya'
have no fear
I'm not full of balogna

You and I could fly to Uranus tonite!

I'm not queer
I'm just experimenting an idea *
the feeling's unrelenting

when you're near
that feeling starts extending
towards your rear
Ain't it clear
I just wanna bone ya'
have no fear
I'm not full of balogna

You and I could fly so high
in the sky, in the night
well allright, yah, you bite
You and I could fly to Uranus!

* overheard conversation at restaurant

 

Buy Now!

Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling Comedy Albums

A longtime fixture of radio's Howard Stern Show, comedian Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling was born and raised on Long Island, NY. He earned a degree in mechanical engineering from Michigan State University in 1971.

While touring as a national headliner, Martling released three comedy LP's, 1979's "What Did You Expect?," 1980's "Goin' Ape!," and 1981's "Normal People Are People You Don't Know That Well" (all digitally reissued from Oglio Records). He blindly sent the three LP's to Howard Stern upon Howard's arrival at WNBC-AM in New York City in 1982, and Howard called him to make a guest appearance on his radio show. in 1986, Jackie became a full-time cast member and the head writer of Stern's show.

Jackie left the show in 2001 after fifteen-year run as head writer of the radio show, four television series, and three Pay-Per-Views. He's released five dirty joke CD's, three videos, five joke books, two kids only titles, an iPhone app, JokeMaster audio gadgets and has appeared in the comedy documentary, "The Aristocrats," as well as over a dozen other independent films. He has owned and operated a dirty joke line for the last 27 years, (516) 922-WINE, and he wrote the joke page for Penthouse magazine for 17 years.

He still works all around the country, performing his solo act of rapid-fire filthy jokes and the classic finale, "Stump The Joke Man," and is currently doing his own radio show on Sirius XM Satellite Radio Howard 101, "Jackie's Joke Hunt".

His new release 'snart', available as a compact disc/DVD combo, is available now.


Come Again?

In 1989-90, I hosted "The Rascals Comedy Hour." I culled the very best of my opening monologues to create another Oglio CD. The "Stump The Joke Man" footage was taped direcly following the TV tapings.

The crowds were always great, all fired up to be on television. I needed a new ten minutes every week for a year, so I went through plenty joke. Each monologue started somewhat clean and slowly or quickly got a bit or a ton fouler. It was great fun every time, and you can hear & feel it when you listen.

You can hear lots of bands from my five Oglio CD's on "Raw Dog 104" on Jackie's Joke Hunt, my show on "Howard 101," both found on Sirius-XM satellite radio.

This isn't a "Best Of Jackie" CD. It's a CD of jokes not found on any of my other CD's, the "Best Of" a year of television monologues. There are no repeated jokes on any of my six CD's (with a few very minor exceptions that slipped though the green fog).

- Jackie Martling

"Come Again?," is a collection of the very best of The Joke Man's six Original Red Hot, Wild, and Mild Talking Joke Book Cassettes. It includes Jackies song, FOOLS GOLD as it was re-recorded for the soundtrack of the Palisades Pictures film "Rules For Men" (in which you can also see JM as low-life lawyer, Larry Lawton.)

Come Again? The Very Best of the Original Talking Joke Book Cassettes

Tracks:

  • Lids & Lads
  • Ghosts & Gunk
  • Guzzlers & Gringos
  • Dopes & Danglers
  • Bags & Beasts
  • Jilters & Jerkers
  • Squawkers & Salamis
  • Superiors & Stuffers
  • Potions & Preachers
  • Sewers & Swiggers
  • Pissers & Parkers
  • Sippers & Soakers
  • Mobsters & Monarchs
  • Fools & The Faithful
  • Callers & Coaxers
  • Bunnies & Blockers
  • Smilers & Swatters
  • Wankers & Wipers
  • Cheaters & Chompers
  • Shoppers & Sisters
  • Fools Gold

Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling – F Jackie


Buy Now!

F. jackie was named long before it was released. After years of even nuns saying that to me, Carl Oglio said, "Why not call the next CD 'F. jackie?' Then every time somebody says it, it'll be promotion."

Sheer genius. In fact, genius enough that I took credit for it until Carl gently reminded me that it was his idea. I still have never seen the proof. Is he right? Yes. But it's so brilliant, I still require proof.

This was recorded in 2000. Once again, the real star of the show is the electric crowd at "The Comedy Palace."

The highlight for me is when a guy yells, "Nice shirt." I had been wearing a silly shirt to bait the crowd for what follows. I had stolen the ridiculous shirt after I wore it in my first film, "Pot Luck." I've worn that shirt for almost every show I've done since.

The CD is my best, by far. I have the rhythm & editing down to a science. For years I've told everybody, "I love all of my CD's, but you can dance to 'F. jackie.' "

- Jackie Martling

F. JACKIE

Tracks:

  • Shouters & Specials
  • Fixers & Fighters
  • Invaders & Interfectors
  • Knobs & Gnashers
  • Lizards & Loungers
  • Imbibers & Idiots
  • Dooties & Deception
  • Twins & Tainters
  • Coffins & Calculus
  • Strollers & Pushers
  • Curers & Carnivals
  • Smoochers & Smellers
  • Taster & Toters
  • Partners & Posers
  • Travelers & Tubesteaks
  • Boozers & Bungholes
  • Chokers & Chewers
  • Sharers & Soloists
  • Handicapped & Halitosis, The
  • Cornholers & Confederates
  • Filchers & Fetchers
  • Taverns & Transplants
  • Dunkers & Delicacies
  • Donors & Disgust

Buy Now!

Contact Us

Drop us a note or shoot us a question here.

Keep in touch with us

If you want to send us a note use the contact form below. We can't wait to hear what's on your mind!

Name: Oglio Entertainment